Stomach acid and bloody noses and blue pine trees
I am bleary-eyed and tired this morning. I had a rotten night trying to sleep. I had run out of nexium pills and the pharmacy needed a day to refill them. Nexium works like magic
but the problem is that once you go off it you get a backwash of acid that really sucks. So last night I was tossing and turning and getting up every hour or so to chew down a couple of generic family-dollar tums to try and keep the acid beast down. I swear I chewed down enough tums last night that today I will shit out a solid chalk turd. I'll donate it to the local school where teachers will use it on their chalkboards for the next 250 years. They can keep it in the box with the extra-fat pencils that the retarded kids use.
On top of that I gave myself a bloody nose last night. Not sure how it happened
but at some point in time I woke up in the middle of the night and looked down and my hand and saw a big read sticky smear of blood on it. Horrified I began looking around for what might have caused it
I even checked the cat on the bed to see if it came from him. Then I went into the bathroom and blew my nose. Sure enough ruby-red chunks of clotted blood came out. Bloody noses happen to me occasionally when the weather out is really dry.
I did not get to play with my new dreamwriters last night. Like some kid on the last day of school
at the end of the workday yesterday I bolted from my desk and ran out of the building with my hands in the air and giggling. It was not until I was halfway home that I realized I had left them sitting at work. Sad part is I do things like that quite often.
I dropped into SuperTarget last night to do a little shopping. SuperTarget is nice and shiny and clean
however their prices are expensive. It felt like they had tacked on fifty cents to everything I was used to buying. Even a loaf of garlic bread is $1.50 at Publix
what I consider one of the most expensive grocery stores around. They were 2 dollars at SuperTarget. No thanks
I'll put up with a few smelly people as long as my grocery bill is lower.
I dropped into CVS to get my nexium prescription. Usually it only takes me a half an hours
but this time they said I was going to have to come back the next day. This really baffles me because right behind her I could see a big row of nexium bottles. I never really understood the entire pharmacy delay thing anyways. I think when you ask for your prescription; behind the counter they pick up a big magic-8 ball and give it a shake. When the words 'wait one day' come floating up through the murky blue water
they smugly relay it for my discomfort.
Come to think of it
that blue water inside a magic 8 ball seems to be exactly like the blue water that is used to represent human fluids in television commercials. Whenever they want to show how absorbent some diaper or maxi pad is
they always pour this blue water onto them. I used to joke it was Romulan Ale
but now I wonder if it's magic 8-ball juice. Or perhaps magic 8-balls are filled with Romulan ale. Hmm.
Speaking of blue
the other day I was cleaning out my car when I came across an ancient
un-used blue pine tree air freshener under the seat. It was still in its plastic wrapping and had never been used. Delighted
I tore open the wrapper and tossed the blue pine tree in the back of the car.
Phew. I do not know what country houses the great forest of blue pine tree's
but the smell is potent. I bet the smell is so strong that nothing lives in the blue pine tree forest EXCEPT blue pine trees. No bugs or rabbits or birds or other creatures of the forest. The fumes from these gigantic blue pine trees killed them all off. And so it sat there for a thousand years
until one day a prospector stumbled upon the forest and thought to himself 'wow
I bet this would be a great way to cover up the dirty odors inside cars that belong to people who are too lazy to clean it on a regular basis.' And thus the blue autofreshenor pine tree was born.
On the great scale of annoying smells
I would have to place it just above urinal cakes
however not quite as high as convenience store cologne.
Tomorrow I am going to play hooky. Shhh.
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