Bush Gardens
Bush gardens turned out to be pretty fun.
I called up my work Friday and told them I was going to be out sick because I was feeling a little green. (My St. Paddy's joke. Har Har Har) Then I drove to where my sister and cousin were and took off to Tampa.
I could not have asked for a better day to go there. The crowd was small and the lines were short
and the weather was mostly cool and breezy. Alas
they do not seem to give out free beer anymore. That's a shame. But I got to see lots of critters and ride some fun rides.
Bush gardens has a giant wooden roller coaster. There is just something about wooden roller coasters that have a special thrill. It's the whole rattle and swaying and big thick posts flying at your head and the entire contraction creaking under you that gives a real fear that your cart might simply fly off the tracks. Heh
I even saw a girl pee herself just before we got on. She jumped out of the cart and had an obvious pee-stain on her denim shorts. She screamed and then jumped in front of her friend so no one would see the stain. This of course made her friend jump back from the fear of being on the receiving end of a soppy butt wet with pee. They then both went screeching off the concourse. I laughed.
Curiously enough
no one cleaned the pee out of the cart. The next dude in line cheerfully jumped into the seat. I do not know if he did not see it
or simply did not care. Or maybe he was a sicko and enjoyed it. Who knows.
Alas
karma crept back at me for laughing at the girls because I then waited 20 minutes for one ride that I embarrassingly enough ended up being too fat for. I took a snapshow of the warning sign afterwards.
I added the translation to the last line in case you could not decipher it. I had gotten on the ride and jumped in that little crotch-grabbing seat with the overhead bar that comes down. Once the bar comes down you are supposed to attach it to seatbelt that was between your legs. I yanked up the seat belt and strained to attack it
but it would not connect by a mere half and inch. I huffed and pulled
but it would not connect.
"Suck it in!" My cousin gleefully called out.
"You can't suck in muscle" I indignantly lied.
Finally I had to give up and hop out. I felt the eyes of everyone on the train snickering at the fat guy. So I ran away with my hands in my face
crying. (Actually I hung around and took a pic.)
I got a 1 year pass to bush gardens. I'm gunna pump a little muscle and try that ride again in 6 months. I was just half an inch off
dammit.
The rest of the day was fun. I got to see the monkeys. Monkeys are always the best critters in the zoo because they are almost always doing something. Most of the other animals just sit around or sleep. Monkeys keep themselves busy. I got to see one catch and eat a bug.
When did it become socially acceptable to wear bikini's at theme parks? There was a ton of high school people there
and a ton of the girls simply wore bikini's or shorty short bottoms
making me feel like a dirty old man for gaping at mounds of jiggling illegal flesh. The bikini's reminded me of the sign in the apes' section
explaining to people that the female is not hurt
her ass was inside out because she was ready to mate. I wonder if the apes wondered the same thing about the humans.
The last ride we took was the big river raft ride where you get soaked. After that we headed home. It was st Paddy's night
but I decided I was too bushed to go. On top of that when I drove by the hen there were so many people there they had spilled out into the streets. I would have to battle through a drunken mob to get my beer. Instead I took a bath and watched 'Zorro'.
Back To Archives