Nasty Pontytails and Ghosts and Dolly Parton
Last night after work I had to swing by my sisters house because I had left my digital camera over there
and she needed some tax information from me as well. My folks were out of town so she is babysitting their big shaggy black dog and she had to stop by their house after work to feed some cats. So when I got to her house I just loafed in the back yard for a while and pet the dogs. I like dogs
but I do not want to have one myself. They are too needy. It's like having a kid. Cats are like having a roommate. Plus I never step in cat shit in my backyard.
I sat in her patio furniture and read my book until she showed up. I was growing hungry and antsy and wanted to go home
so when she got home I ran in and grabbed my camera
gave her some of my tax info (she does my taxes for me) and then zipped away. It was not until I was halfway home before I realized I had left the book I was reading at her house. I was so annoyed I cried out a fruitless 'GODDAMNIT!' in the darkness of my car. I was really enjoying that book and now I have nothing to read at lunch. I was too lazy to go back and get it
though. I'll just snag it this weekend.
It was 'Wacky Wednesday' and that means five dollar pizza's at Hungry Howie's. There was one on the way home and I decided to swing by since I did not feel like cooking anything. While I sat on the low green vinyl bench and waited for my pizza to cook
I kept staring at some dude who was making pizza's in the back. He had the most hideous ponytail I had ever seen. At first I thought it was some sort of joke ponytail that attached to his hat
but after a while I became convinced it was the real deal. It was very long
going down to his ass-crack
and it was very thin as well
the thickness was no more than the circumference of my thumb. It was held into place with a dozen separate rubber bands. It almost reminded me of those ponytails those Chinese warriors have that they grow from birth. However
this guy was approaching four hundred pounds and walked with a distinct waddle
so I rather doubt he was any sort of Chinese warrior. The only thing I can think that pony tail could be used for is that he was going bald on top and was hoping to hoard hair so that he may be able to one day wind it around the top of his head instead of buying a toupee.
When I got home the first thing I did was poke my finger in my pizza. I had the horrid thought that I might take a bite and then pull out one of those massive strands of hairs from my pizza.
It looks like some sort of cat-fight took place in my house while I was gone. There were little tufts of cat hair lying around my bedroom floor. There were both gray and white patches floating around the floor. I thought the gray might have come from my cat DustBuster
but it did not seem to match
and when I held some of the fur under is nose he smelled it deeply and suspiciously in a way that he would not do if it was his own fur. So
I do not know what happened. I guess some bad cat wandered into my house looking to pick a fight and was alarmed to see not one but three cats in there
had a little tussle and then took off. I do not know. I might have to set up a web-cam.
There was a GhostHunters marathon on last night
and that show sucked me in like it always does. In the first episode they investigated some lady's house
but she turned out to be a complete flake. She kept sitting in her chair and screeching out 'They are here! They are here! Ah kin FEEL em!'. Meanwhile everyone was just sitting around thinking 'wtf?'. I felt a bit sorry for the lady in the way I always feel for the terminally stupid.
The second episode took place at some plantation in New Orleans. They had a couple of interesting things. The first was a figure that seemed to walk by the infrared camera
when you could clearly see nothing was there. The only thing I could think of was perhaps a bug buzzed by fairly close to the camera. They also had a shot of a lamp that was slowly moving that was fairly interesting
however the one that spooked me was they caught a shadow through a glass door. It might have simply been a person
but it was strange because it looked like someone who had been lying there the whole night suddenly decided to get up and walk away. It was one of those things that make me scratch my head and then look over my shoulder. I had already seen the final episode and knew it was not very good so I went to bed.
I had been enjoying a song by the 'White Stripes' by the name of Jolene. I thought it was pretty good
it had a kind of folksy sound to it and the woman sang it with emotion. Curious about it I looked it up online. It turns out it was originally penned and sung by Dolly Parton. Intrigued
I downloaded the original Dolly version. It was horrid. It had a droll 70's funk to it that reminded me of pedestal ashtrays next to hotel elevators. Of yellow Formica with a permanent coffee stain on it. Of dull rhinestone studs crushed into a dirty shag carpet. I quickly deleted it.
You know
even though Dolly Parton is like 90 years old
I would still bone her. Or at the very least run up and give her titties a squeeze. I bet if I squeezed hard enough
money would squirt out.
I need to hit the home depot at lunch. I require a large piece of foam to fix my HotTub lid. Also
I feel a Hen visit coming on tonight.
Back To Archives