Behold the horror that is my bathroom. Yes, when I get up at 2 in the morning to answer to a call of nature, that is what I see. I have a brought fluorescent bulb in that bathroom, so when I flick on the light late at night the entire hole is illuminated in all its horror. It's like I have to pee in the bombed out remnants of a WWII safe house. It's like I do number two in the deep dank dark recesses of a crack house. It's like I have to drain the lizard in a... well, you get the idea. So, the next time you think your dainty little bathroom is dirty because your little pink plastic garbage can you bought at Target is overflowing with tissues, think about Ed's Bathroom. Think about it a lot.
I wasted part of my day yesterday watching foreign KFC commercials on You Tube. Why? I have no idea. I found one and then I found more. Some of them are interesting, others are confusing, and the ones from Taiwan are downright imperialistic. That one took place in a war zone with bombs exploding everywhere. A girl who looks like she is wearing a boy scout uniform finds a commander and gravely presents him with a box. He grimly opens it and to a gasp of surprise it's a box of KFC chicken. He grunts his appreciation and then you see entire squadrons of Chinese people holding up piece of chicken in a Hitler-like salute. Throughout this the homey southern face of Colonel Sanders stamped on the box looked eerily out of place.
Florida weather is officially here. The rains of the hurricane were eagerly sucked into the dry earth as well as the flora and fauna and the humidity has come crushing down and smeared across your face like Satan's loofa. My lawn has exploded with those little v-shaped seed antennas and soon I will once again know the joy of having to mow my lawn twice a week. And of course, comes the creatures. Specifically: insects.
During the middle ages people believed in a concept known as Spontaneous Generation, a theory that claims complex life simply and inexplicitly arises out of inanimate objects. It seemed quite reasonable at the time. If you were sitting at a pond and you saw frogs crawl out of mud, you came to the conclusion that frogs came form mud. It seemed a perfectly reasonable ratiocination. This theory has of course been poo-poo'ed away ever since society had developed to the point where we could sustain a nerdly population who would actually sit down a study a frogs sex life.
However, I have lived in Florida for over two decades now and every year I see some new weird-ass bug that I swear I have never seen before. Usually crawling on me, or crawling out of something I have just touched. I often never see these weird bugs again and my only guess is that the environment around me is spontaneously generating them. These horrible things have no real place in nature, no niche in the food chain; they were spawned into existence for the sole purpose of landing on me and grossing me out.
FInally, I present you with today's disturbing video:
